Domestic violence often plays a role in many couple’s lives.
In fact, one Canadian study revealed that 50% of all divorced women reported past abuse. In America, you often see the statistic that one in four women will experience some type of domestic violence during their lives. It’s also been stated that “more than more than five million women are physically abused by their husbands or boyfriends each year.”
For these reasons — and for the sake of any children who may be involved — men and women must be ready to take certain steps to protect themselves if any domestic violence (re)develops during divorce proceedings. (Men are also victims of domestic violence, although some experts say they’re less likely to report it to anyone).
Here are some useful tips for protecting yourself, your children, and other family members from dangerous behavior during the pendency of your divorce. Keep in mind that it’s always wise to allow your Minnesota family law attorney to handle all major communications once your divorce case has been filed. Also, always immediately contact your attorney about any abusive contact or threats.
Useful Ways to Diminish or Eliminate Violence During Your Divorce Proceedings
- Give serious thought to letting your attorney request a protective order. While no one can force your spouse or partner to abide by an order’s terms, it’s wise to seek one when you’re being threatened or actually abused. Be sure to keep notes about any and all violations if you are granted a protective order;
- Be as honest as possible about all of your finances. Since many people feel angry that a divorce is even necessary, they often try to punish their spouse or partner by hiding many of their assets. As might be guessed, once this is either discovered or suspected, it tends to greatly increase each person’s anger – and possible threats of violence;
- Do not belittle or constantly put down your partner or spouse to the children. You will unnecessarily provoke an unstable partner if you often do this — so avoid it at all costs. However, if your spouse is abusing you or the children, you may need to discuss this with them — preferably in the presence of a professional therapist;
- Ask your attorney if you should seek a psychological evaluation of your spouse. Of course, this is often just done when one party is seeking to try and limit the other person’s child visitation rights. Nevertheless, if you are being subjected to any type of domestic violence or related threats, it’s definitely an important option;
- Keep a detailed log of all abusive incidents. Likewise, be sure to keep a record of all expenses paid by your spouse on your behalf and for the children. All of this information can prove extremely important during all child custody hearings;
- Advise the court about past domestic violence if mandatory mediation is suggested. Since close, physical proximity of all parties is required during such meetings, you have the right to ask the court to waive this type of interaction;
- Always keep domestic violence hotline numbers and information Be prepared to call one of these numbers after any threat or actual hostility. Also, if you have older children, you’ll need to advise them about special ways they can protect themselves;
- Make sure you have limited which adults can pick up your children at school and elsewhere. Far too many angry and vengeful partners may try to have a grandparent or another relative on their side of the family pick up the kids from school or elsewhere, possibly with plans to temporarily or permanently take the children away from you;
- Give serious thought to obtaining some marital counseling. If there has never been any violence threatened or carried out, this may be a wise option. Always get your lawyer’s advice if you are still going to file for divorce. Even if the two of you still decide to part ways, you and your children will at know you made the effort to possibly repair your relationship. Also, counseling sessions can help you both develop critical new skills for co-parenting as a divorced couple.
While lawyers are able to handle most Minnesota divorce cases in a fairly peaceful manner, it’s always wise to be prepared for the unexpected.
An experienced Minnesota divorce lawyer can help you walk through a difficult situation. For more information, contact Joseph M. Flanders of Flanders Law Firm at (612) 424-0398.
