There was a another interesting post over at the Family Law Professor Blog this morning. It a link to an article in The Atlantic titled “How To Keep Parenthood from Making Your Marriage Miserable.”
Me being me, I had to go read the article. In turn (as the internet so often does) it lead me to another article in the New York Magazine titled “Why Parents Hate Parenting.”
It appears there is some hullabaloo on the internet right now about young parents and the current depiction of parenting on the media. Shows like “Parenthood” and “Modern Family”, “Flirting with Disaster” are currently very popular right now. The shows are about young parents struggling with careers, kids, and marriage. I must admit I don’t watch television much and I don’t know a great deal about mainstream media. However, I am a young parent and I think I have a valid opinion on balancing career and family.
I read both of the articles. I agree with points made in both. However, I take umbrage with the “New York Magazine” article when the author writes that:
Most people assume that having children will make them happier. Yet a wide variety of academic research shows that parents are not happier than their childless peers, and in many cases are less so.
The author certainly makes an interesting supposition, and she even says academic research backs up her point. But, the author does what so many authors do, she fails to cite the academic research. She does include some information a survey, but I don’t call that scientific. As a lawyer, I cannot help but be annoyed when a journalist tries to make a point and says there is data to back up the point, but then the author doesn’t show me the data. Don’t tell me about the data, show me the data.
Somewhat echoing my frustrations, the piece in The Atlantic does its own study and does show some actual data:
Contrary to the celebratory pieces on voluntary single motherhood by journalists like Roiphe, we found that married parents generally do experience more happiness and less depression than parents who are unmarried. For instance, among women, 50 percent of married mothers report that they are “very happy” with life, compared to 39 percent of cohabiting mothers and 25 percent of single mothers, even after controlling for differences in education, income, and race/ethnicity. The transition to parenthood is hard, but being married helps soften the blow.
The data above isn’t perfect, and it doesn’t tell the whole story, but at least we have some facts to support assertions. Apple Valley MN family law attorneys know that they must have facts to back up their assertions or they lose their case. Pretty simple.
The Atlantic piece also offered some valuable insight from their findings, and shared it with new parents (like me) everywhere:
. . . [W]e have good news for these young people. By embracing some new values — like date nights, shared housework, and an ethic of marital generosity — and some old values — like commitment, thrift, and a shared faith — it appears that today’s parents can dramatically increase their odds of forging a stable and happy marriage. This means that couples need not despair after the arrival of a baby. If one-third of today’s married parents can successfully combine marriage and parenthood, surely many more can flourish when baby makes three.
What do you think? Do children make your marriage miserable?
For my part, I don’t think so. I’ve got an eleven-month-old little boy and I’ve got a beautiful, talented wife. Things have certainly gotten a bit more difficult in my life, and my career as a family law attorney have taken a back seat a little. But, so what? Children are a blessing. Don’t let anybody tell you otherwise.
