Premarital counseling teaches many engaged couples how to avoid the types of negative behaviors and attitudes that often derail intimate relationships.
However, if you havent gone through this type of therapy before marriage, its important to learn more about the most common reasons for divorce. Once you gain this knowledge, you and your spouse can either seek out additional therapy together or make a concerted effort to change how you relate to one another regarding certain topics.
Although various surveys indicate slightly different results concerning the root causes of marital strife, most of them highlight very similar issues. According to the National Fatherhood Initiative, there are eight hot-button topics every couple must be ready to address in a mature fashion. If both parties can do this, they can often heal their relationship instead of losing it through divorce.
The Eight Major Problems or Topics That Often Derail Many Marriages
- A failure to make a strong commitment to the other person and the marriage. This can be very challenging, especially for young couples still trying to get to know themselves. Sixty-two percent of exes said they wished their spouses had worked harder to stay married. After marriages have failed, 35% of the men and 21% of the women voice regrets about not working harder to make a long-term commitment;
- Too many arguments where neither person stays open to another point of view. Couples often assume that few disagreements will ever surface. However, they may occur rather frequently and when they do — compromise remains critical. Too many couples fail to ever reach meaningful agreements about basic parenting issues, how to interact with various extended family members, and how money should be spent;
- Infidelity. Cheating is obviously never a good idea, no matter how attracted you may be to someone else. When youre tempted to cheat, give serious thought to how betrayed and wounded you would feel if your spouse betrayed your trust. Be especially careful with the boundaries you maintain in your male-female friendships outside of marriage;
- Marrying too young. Maturity takes time and teenagers have an especially hard time adjusting to the constraints of marriage. The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) says that nearly half of teenage marriages fail within the first fifteen years. If couples will wait to marry when theyre in their twenties, theyll have a much better chance of being able to commit and stay together;
- Expecting far too much from each other. Many people get married with the unconscious hope that theyll finally experience a depth of love that theyve never known earlier in their lives. Its actually far more important for everyone to develop a strong sense of self before every trying to marry someone else. None of us can ever be everything to another person or meet all of their needs;
- An inability to treat each other as Although some couples may first decide that its best if only one spouse makes all of the major decisions in the marriage, this often causes one party to feel greatly disrespected and unhappy. If youre not marrying someone you truly believe is your equal, you need to rethink how you view both love and respect;
- A failure to obtain some type of premarital counseling. Learning how to give-and-take in a marriage is hard. Its especially difficult if you and your spouse never took the time to talk about such major issues as children, money, religious beliefs, and other values prior to marriage. Always remember that its fairly easy to find a therapist in either a secular setting — or by asking your personal religious group for recommendations;
- Physical or emotional abuse. Although we all prefer to think only others carry around serious emotional baggage, the fact is that many people witness unhealthy relationships while growing up. Just remember, its never okay to belittle your spouse emotionally and its always wrong to hit your partner. Love never involves inflicting physical or emotional pain upon someone else. Unfortunately, at least 29% of splits occur due to abuse. In fact, some studies have cited much higher percentage rates.
Minnesota Divorce Lawyers and Attorneys
Every good marriage is worth saving. However, if you and your spouse have made every reasonable effort you can to resolve your differences and nothing seems to help, your Minnesota family law attorney is available to discuss all of your options with you, including divorce.
